It was year 2004 when I met this girl named Aurora. We’re on the same grade but different class section. She’s so beautiful, so kind, so graceful and everyone looks at her in awe. She’s admirable and so is her mom, Linda. She always come with her to school, every school activities and even school competitions. Whether Aurora wins or loses, Linda’s there.
My mom, has the same name as hers, Lynda. I know this is selfish but as fourth grader I wish Linda’s my real mom. Or maybe I just wanted her to be like her. I hope she can bring me to school every morning, be with me in every school activities and see me win for every school competitions. But, unfortunately, she’s always busy. Too busy.
I had that kind of mindset until I reached college. One day, I saw Aurora eating lunch with her mom. I’m happy to see them, really. I’m happy.
But I.. felt like, I envy them.
Until one tiring night, everything just seems to be so disappointing. To me, it feels like everything’s falling apart. In despair I shouted, “I wish I have another mom! Not you Lynda. Not you!” I shouted all my frustration I’ve been carrying since 4th grade. All I’ve been thinking is it’s her fault, yet I could not afford to look at her. I didn’t stop until I felt like enough.
Wide eyes open, tears falling. I stared at Lynda, she’s in shock. In deep calmness and pain, she answered all my frustrations.
She can’t bring me to school because she has to study 4-hour Masters class, then go straight to direct selling of clothes by showing customers the catalog. There were times she hardly make it to school activities because she took extra jobs to supply either that day’s meal or my next day’s baon. She could not make it to school competitions but she always makes sure that before she leave the house, she smiles at me with confidence, “You can win this”.
“I’m sorry.” in tears she said. “I am not perfect. But I am your mom.”
It took me years before I finally understand, I really do not need a new mom. I just could not grasp her sacrifices back then because I was blinded by my immaturity, lack of knowledge and thankful heart.
I carry that lesson everyday. Through time, with Lynda’s help, I was able to see things clearly. Even up to this day. Where we wish to have a better situation, a better system. I learned not to use words as if I have the final say.
I can still remember Lynda looking at me, that night I burst it all out. The pain I gave her as I speak carelessly, all driven by emotions and immaturity. I die in shame for that mistake. How I hope no one would do the same. Not to anyone. Not in any situation. Not for any reason.
I was too full of myself to realize. Moments I’m wishing to have another mom might be the same moments Lynda prays for a better daughter.
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
