I can’t afford to make any mistakes. Well, I think this statement itself is a mistake.
I’m afraid to make a wrong decision.
I’m scared to go to places I shouldn’t be in.
Just like in chess, I’m terrified to make the wrong move as if that will lead me to a checkmate.
If you think I am paranoid, well, yeah. I am. I think I am.
How? Hmm... People when promoted usually grab the opportunity and get it as fast as they can. I will not say that I do not belong to those kinds of people. Promotions are responsibilities that become blessings if we can carry them, but if not, it will be excess baggage that will slow down the journey. For such reason that I overthink things before saying yes to them. Well, of course, speed in assessing things is a major factor too.
What else? Too paranoid to think over and over again before settling with emotions that are too much for me to bear. Regardless of it being enthusiastically nice or despairing. Emotions are too deceiving when uncontrolled. Prophet Jeremiah gave the warning, but until now, only a few listens. I hope to belong to the good listener list.
If you’re thinking that I am ashamed of those who once in their lives made a wrong decision, or might be walking in routes they shouldn’t take.
Please, I am not.
This isn’t because I made the best decisions in my entire life. Oh God knows how I messed up and how He graciously picked me up! I am not the best at making choices.
This isn’t to prove that being wrong is totally wrong. We can all go back and learn. Learning from mistakes is the best use of wrong decisions and therefore it should never be used to define a person’s value. It should in fact increase knowledge of oneself which should lead to a better version of you.
Wrong decisions are made by choice and we always have reasons for it. We can list all the reasons we can think of and make a wrong decision justifiable. I think we humans, are very good at it. Justifying things.
Wrong decisions are made by choice.
So do the right ones.
We can also rethink, reconsider and change gears to see things in a larger, wider perspective.
This is the reason behind my fear.
I feel too narrow-minded. I am afraid to make the same mistakes. I am terrified to make new mistakes.
The older I get, the more I understand life. The more I understand life, the more I see how deceiving this world is. Lies can turn to truths and truths to lies. Good can be interpreted badly and bad actions can be justified. The more I see these things the more I see my inability. The more I realize how insufficient knowledge is. The more I understand that I need wisdom.
Wisdom.
James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
Wisdom is what I certainly need.
Thank God I know Who to turn to.
